The vision of my suicide


Standing on the edge
The feeling of death
Of defeat
Hanging by a thread
Dangling by the head
The hate
The love
The pain of the death
Ringing in my head
I could see the blood
Dripping from my bed
The knife in my hand
Soaked in blood
My head dangling from my neck
I knew it was time
I did it
I have succeded
Now, there I lay
In a pool of my own blood………….

Hozier Calls Out Pope Francis On Hypocrisy, Says Church Offers Excuse For Homophobia


Originally posted on kitodiaries.

“This is one of the paradoxes
and weird hypocrisy of that
organization. The Pope came
out last year and said who am I
to judge with regards to
somebody’s sexual orientation?
But I think it is important to
differentiate between lip
service towards something and
actually making change. I think
it is hopeful, but saying this in
2015, ‘Who am I to judge?’ is
something that should have
been said 100 years ago. I think
there’s a difference when actual
doctrine changes and policy
changes – but it’s still
undeniably an organization that
has institutionalized an aversion
to homosexuality. In my view,
that is why I was driven to write
‘Take Me to Church’ — I think
the church provides an excuse
for homophobia.”

— Pop star Hozier, who has a massive hit
last year with Take Me to Church, told Larry
King that Pope Francis is a hypocrite on
LGBT issues and utters pro-gay soundbites
while changing little.

personal lgbt stories

Blog_Kizito Speaks

Originally posted on lgbt foundation.


An attractive man started talking to me on a
night out and invited me to his hotel. I
arranged to meet him in the club but he never
showed up. When I went home the next day I
found my bank card was missing from my
wallet and also my iPhone had gone. £1,000
was taken from my account and when I
reported it to the police I never thought it
might be a homophobic crime.

The LGBT Liason Officer I spoke to was very
helpful and sympathetic and then I spoke to
G.A.L.O.P who were even more helpful.*
I probably won’t see the money again and they
may never catch the man who robbed me but
the whole experience and the support I
received has made me much more conscious
about how I behave on a night out,
how much I drink and to be aware of my own
personal safety.

It’s important to say that even if you think you
may be judged for what you are doing and
where you are, the police are only interested
in the crime that has been committed against
I believe that what happened to me was
homophobically motivated and that’s why I
think it is important to report any incident you
feel may be a homophobic incident as only
then can the police be made aware of what is
happening in a specific area and then try to do
something about it. It certainly has made me
more aware and on my guard in future.


I’m not sure exactly when I realised I was gay.
It’s not as if you’re an official homosexual,
here’s your certificate. Everyone’s ‘coming out’
experiences are different.

My name is David, I am now 15 and I live in
Withington. Being gay has been one of the
most difficult experiences of my life so far. It
was hard to come to terms with, something I
have had to do completely by myself.
It has been a very lonely process; at times I’ve
felt like everyone is against me. I’ve felt
isolated, I sometimes don’t know how to deal
with things. I tried to talk to my teacher about
the bullying but she just didn’t want to know.
She said I should talk to my parents about it
but they are both very religious, there was no
way I could talkto them about it. It is an
agonising feeling so alone, it’s no surprise I
sometimes hurt myself.

Once at school this lad was bullying me, the
usual stuff; faggot, queer, uphill-gardener, I
was so stressed that the teacher didn’t do
anything that I punched him. I ended up getting
into trouble for that. I can’t wait until next year
when I’ll be out of this place. I just can’t talk to
anyone. I feel insecure and unprotected. I think
if it was just talked about that would make it
A lot of the homophobia is just ignorance, by
both the teachers and the pupils. I just wish I
could be ‘out’ and respected for who I am.
Schools need to act to make sure that gay
students get the respect they need to feel safe
and secure.

Text reproduced by kind permission of LGYM
(Lesbian and Gay Youth Manchester)


I teach as an openly gay man at a Manchester
High School, in my first six weeks there I came
out to a year 8 class where I had witnessed
verbal and physical homophobia and embryonic
queer bashing. Later some of the students
knocked on my door with either a sweet or a
piece of work or simply to ask if I was ok? None
of them mentioned the outing. They didn’t
need to. A tiny step had been taken.

Three years later, I still challenge homophobia
in the classroom and on the corridor, but now I
am regularly asked by students in a sincere way
about my experiences as an out gay man. I
don’t underestimate the potential difficulties I
may meet from the parents of such children,
but I am an optimist. A gay Jew born in the
same year of Hitler’s death has to be.
Throughout my time at School I’ve had amazing
support from the head and the Senior
Management Team, in fact I made it a
condition of my employment at the school that
I taught as an open gay man.


I teach at Trinity CofE High School, Manchester
– an inner-city school with a mixed intake in
terms of ability and ethnicity. Three yeats ago I
decided to deliver a scheme of work on
homophobic bullying to my then year 9 tutor

My decision to raise potentially ‘hazardous’
topics for discussion with year nine pupils was
based on two issues in my form at the time.
One was a case of unpleasant bullying directed
at two ‘quieter’ boys and the other was the
casual use of homophobic ‘slang’ in everyday

My own form was culturally mixed,
including pupils from Nigerian, Caribbean and
Muslim families and I knew that for some
pupils, this would be a difficult area to explore.
All parents were informed and happily, no
pupils were withdrawn from the lessons.
The series of three lessons were extremely
worthwhile and all pupils took part in a variety
of activities which included brainstorming all
the slang words they know for various sexual
orientations and considering their effects when
directed at people (the most worrying was
‘pedo’ for homosexual) and discussions around
current news/media stories e.g. homophobia in
rap music, the ‘Todd’ storyline in Coronation
Street and homosexuality in the church.
Naturally there were extremes of opinion –
some based on religious grounds and others on
‘macho’ peer pressure. Some pupils were
openminded about individual sexual
orientation and felt strongly that it should not
influence how we are judged by others and a
few pupils felt unable to discuss these issues at

Despite these differences, pupils were
regularly reassured that we were not discussing
rights or wrongs and that there are a lot of
external pressures which can give us
prejudices. All pupils came to the final
conclusion that despite our personal beliefs,
homophobic bullying is just as unacceptable as
any other form of bullying.
I didn’t pretend to eradicate use of
homophobic language but I do feel that by
raising awareness of a serious issue, small but
positive steps were made towards pupils
becoming more tolerant and respectful of our
differences and individuality.

beyonce accused of abandoning gays in time of need


Originally posted on kitodiaries.

At least one Houston man is not happy with
Beyoncé right now.
HuffPo blogger Carlos Maza claims it “kills
him” to write it (a huffingtonpost article
titled Beyoncé Ignored the LGBT
Community in Houston), especially since
he’s “spent more time worshiping Beyoncé
than just about any other pop star,” but he
is incredibly disappointed in the singer, and
he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to forgive
“Over the past few months,” Maza writes,
“Beyoncé has repeatedly refused the
opportunity to speak out against the
legalization of discrimination against LGBT
people in her hometown.”
He’s talking about the Houston Equal Rights
Ordinance (HERO), which prohibited
discrimination in matters of housing and
employment on the basis of more than a
dozen different characteristics, including
sexual orientation and gender identity. On
Tuesday, Houston voters choose to repeal
that law, effectively legalizing
In his nearly 1,500-word rant, Maza calls
into question Beyoncé’s alleged support of
her LGBTQ fans. He begins by writing about
the time he called upon her to “make a
single Instagram post in support of HERO”
in a blog post he published back in August.
“With fifty million followers, she has one of
the most influential social media presences
in the world,” Maza writes. “A single post
from her would have motivated young
voters to the polls, focused national
attention on the fight over HERO, and
dramatically reframed the narrative.”
The hashtag #BeyBeAHERO was established
to encourage the singer to get involved. It
received more than 10 million impressions.
“But despite repeated requests for help
from HERO supporters in Houston,” Maza
says. “Beyoncé declined to comment.”
Instead, he continues, “I watched her post
images from her Vogue cover shoot.”
Over the next several weeks, Maza waited
with bated breath for Beyoncé to post her
support of HERO to Instagram. But the post
never came.
“One night, I found myself lying on the
grass in a park by my apartment,
distraught,” he recalls. “I had done
everything I knew how to do to get
Beyoncé’s team to react. I had bugged
every reporter friend, forwarded every
press hit, tweeted incessantly. I had given it
my best shot. And I was starting to feel like
a failure.”
“On Instagram,” he writes, “I watched
Beyoncé post a photo of a pizza.”
When HERO was voted down on Tuesday,
Maza says it was “probably one of hardest
things I’ve had to experience.” He was left
“devastated,” and that devastation was only
made worse by what Beyoncé did next.
“On Instagram, I watched a video of
Beyoncé posing silently in front of an
American flag,” he writes. “I can’t believe
she didn’t say something.”
“Beyoncé had a golden opportunity to
oppose an active effort to legalize
discrimination against LGBT Houstonians,”
he continues. “It wouldn’t have taken more
than a single Instagram post.”

“She didn’t.”

a piece of my mind ~ religion

Ryan Gentles 01

According to google.

religion – /rɪˈlɪdʒ(ə)n/
1. the belief in and worship of a superhuman
controlling power, especially a personal God or

wikipaedia. defines religion as such.

There are numerous definitions of religion
and only a few are stated here. The typical
dictionary definition of religion refers to a
“belief in, or the worship of, a god or
gods” or the “service and worship of God
or the supernatural”. However, writers
and scholars have expanded upon the “belief
in god” definitions as insufficient to capture
the diversity of religious thought and
Peter Mandaville and Paul James define
religion as “a relatively-bounded system of
beliefs, symbols and practices that addresses
the nature of existence, and in which
communion with others and Otherness is
lived as if it both takes in and spiritually
transcends socially-grounded ontologies of
time, space, embodiment and knowing”.
This definition is intended, they write, to get
away from the modernist dualisms or
dichotomous understandings of immanence/
transcendence, spirituality/materialism, and

Edward Burnett Tylor defined religion as
“the belief in spiritual beings”. He
argued, back in 1871, that narrowing the
definition to mean the belief in a supreme
deity or judgment after death or idolatry
and so on, would exclude many peoples
from the category of religious, and thus “has
the fault of identifying religion rather with
particular developments than with the
deeper motive which underlies them”. He
also argued that the belief in spiritual beings
exists in all known societies.

The anthropologist Clifford Geertz defined
religion as a “system of symbols which acts
to establish powerful, pervasive, and long-
lasting moods and motivations in men by
formulating conceptions of a general order
of existence and clothing these conceptions
with such an aura of factuality that the
moods and motivations seem uniquely
realistic.” Alluding perhaps to Tylor’s
“deeper motive”, Geertz remarked that “we
have very little idea of how, in empirical
terms, this particular miracle is
accomplished. We just know that it is done,
annually, weekly, daily, for some people
almost hourly; and we have an enormous
ethnographic literature to demonstrate it”.
The theologian Antoine Vergote also
emphasized the “cultural reality” of religion,
which he defined as “the entirety of the
linguistic expressions, emotions and, actions
and signs that refer to a supernatural being
or supernatural beings”; he took the term
“supernatural” simply to mean whatever
transcends the powers of nature or human

The sociologist Durkheim, in his seminal
book The Elementary Forms of the Religious
Life, defined religion as a “unified system of
beliefs and practices relative to sacred
things”. By sacred things he meant things
“set apart and forbidden—beliefs and
practices which unite into one single moral
community called a Church, all those who
adhere to them”. Sacred things are not,
however, limited to gods or spirits.
On the contrary, a sacred thing can be “a
rock, a tree, a spring, a pebble, a piece of
wood, a house, in a word, anything can be
sacred”. Religious beliefs, myths, dogmas
and legends are the representations that
express the nature of these sacred things,
and the virtues and powers which are
attributed to them.

In his book The Varieties of Religious
Experience, the psychologist William James
defined religion as “the feelings, acts, and
experiences of individual men in their
solitude, so far as they apprehend
themselves to stand in relation to whatever
they may consider the divine”. By the
term “divine” James meant “any object that
is god like, whether it be a concrete deity or
not” to which the individual feels
impelled to respond with solemnity and

But my definition of religion is as such “a group of people with conflicting views coming together to inflict humans with pain, surffering”. I am a christian currently worshiping at a protestant church, but I can’t turn a blind eye to the disgrace christianity has turned into.

Religion has drifted away from what it was supposed to be,causing conflict,wars and the likes.
Christianity being the leading religion in the world has become the biggest disgrace,which prompted the pope to come out to call the death of jesus “a failure”.

If the world is to change,if peace is to return to the world then religion has to be what it was created to be “a group of people with love,tolerance,acceptance and common belief”.
I have hope , but this hope seems to be useless.

being bipolar


Bipolar disorder is a bitch.
That is the word, the only word I know that can describe how I feel about my illness.

First, an expantiation of what bipolar means medically.
Bipolar disorder, also known as bipolar
affective disorder and manic-depressive
illness, is a mental disorder characterized by
periods of elevated mood and periods of
depression. The elevated mood is
significant and is known as mania or
hypomania depending on the severity or
whether there is psychosis. During mania an
individual feels or acts abnormally happy,
energetic, or irritable. They often make
poorly thought out decisions with little
regard to the consequences. The need for
sleep is usually reduced. During periods of
depression there may be crying, poor eye
contact with others, and a negative outlook
on life. The risk of suicide among those
with the disorder is high at greater than 6%
over 20 years, while self harm occurs in 30–
40%. Other mental health issues such as
anxiety disorder and substance use disorder
are commonly associated.
So now u know, but really it is more than this, it is more than a mental illness, it is a life style, a way of life.
I was 10 when this started, I had a great relationship with God before this started. But I grew apart from him because I blamed him for all that happened to me.

If God made me the way I am then why would he put his disciples against me and everyone like me.
The hate grew slowly and by the time I was 14 I had become a staunch atheist.
Being an atheist and being bipolar kind of works, because I can explore my hypersexuality without caring about some God watching me and counting my sins.

Most times I have very serious memory loss and whenever I forget something it stays forgotten forever, like forever.
It is a serious illness, classified as one of the most dangerous mental illness.
Imagine yourself thinking for one straight hour, but then you are not the one thinking; the mind just does it on its own accord.

You see a knife or any sharp object and your first intention is to stab yourself. The only thing you can think about is stabbing yourself.
That is how bad being bipolar is.

I am a christian now, but even that doesn’t stop bipolar from ravaging my soul.
Most times I feel like leaving the christian fold, just living my life as I like.
It can get scary, maybe even fun. But it is painful.
Writting this post is so hard, I have stoped and stoped a lot of times, but I keep on writting because people need to understand.

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness and its patients. But I, we do not need nor do we deserve to be discriminated against, or be treated like we were less than human.

Stigmatization is not a cure, Neither is discrimination treatment.

I am ronald samuel, I am mentally ill. I will never be ashamed.
I may be put down, insulted. I may even commit suicide but I will never be ashamed.

I am suffering from bipolar disorder, ocd, bdd, agoraphobia, photophobia, adhd, allergic disease and migraine.
I may die from these or may just commit suicide, but I will never ashamed.

I don’t want your pity, I don’t want to be pitied.
I want your support and love.
I want to not be discriminated against
I want to live a fruitful life, even if it would be short.

my life

My love, a cradle
An ocean of destruction
No love lasts
No love stays
No love is love

My reason to live dead
My will to survive killed
My very being layed
At the altar of death
O love , lovely love

Become mine once more
Reach out to me
Like u did before
This time,stay
This time,consume me

I give myself
A willing sacrifice
A sacrifice of love
A sacrifice of life
A sacrifice of me

Do with me whatever u wish
***** *****

life so sweet

Life so sweet
Life so life
How life is life?
As life as life?

My life
A train
A horse
A stallion

How expensive is happiness
I will pay through my nose
if nessecary
I want this joy
This freedom

O what life I live
If it can be called one
This is no life
This is being undead
This is my life………..

Diary of a non conforming nigerian

I am ronnie phoenix, a 17 year old nigerian male born person. This is my story.

I was born into a very wealthy, catholic, christian home. I had everything I wanted, I never worked or earned anything my entire life,But I was not a proud person and neither am I.
I was a staunch christian,even though I knew I was different it never made a difference,I loved God and that was all that mattered. But all that was soon to change when disaster struck.
I was raped by a girl I thought was my friend,I was robbed of my innocence.I didn’t tell anyone about what happened because I felt afraid,I felt defiled,I could only tell God about it because he was my best friend.

Soon after that we (my family) was reduced to nothingness when a warehouse containing just bought clothing materials from cotonoue with nearly everything my dad had in his account was razed down supposedly by the then fashola government.
This all happened when I was just 8 to 9 years of age. And to make it worse I got to understand the writtings in the bible to understand that “God hates me”,gradually I began to feel hate towards God and towards humanity.
Gradually I began to lose my will over my own thinking ,this I didn’t bother about.
My heart shattered into a million pieces when my mom told me and my twin brother that we were going to have to attend a public school,I was distraught and disheartened and soon I began withdrawing from everybody (family and friends alike) I also withdrew from all form of phisical activities and fun stuff I used to enjoy and participate in,I also became claustraphhobic,agoraphobic and photophobic,as years went by I developed full blown bipolar disorder………